We have already adopted two adorable girls through American Adoptions: Brooklyn and Kari. While the two adoptions journeys were very different, they each brought our family more smiles, laughter, and adventure.

Of course the biggest way that adoption has impacted us is by allowing us to create our own family full of love. But building our family through adoption has also had other impacts: we make sure to intentionally bring up adoption to our children so they always know their own story and we talk about how there are many different types of families in the world.

Another big piece of adoption has been our relationships with our daughters’ birth families. We have so much respect and gratitude especially for their birth mothers who are such a big part of our family adoption story. A big part of each adoption process has been working with these birth families to build an adoption that is as open as they feel comfortable with.

Preparing for this third adoption for our family means we are getting ready for more adventure, anticipating a little bit more fun chaos, and looking forward to lots more love in our lives.

Ben about Trevor

Let me tell you some examples of how Trevor is so amazing. He is diligent: whether he is just going into work for his engineering job, we are going on vacation around the world, or just when we go out to eat at a new restaurant he is always prepared, has done his research, and gets the details right. He is loving: he goes out of his way to show his love to me by surprising me with flowers at home, my favorite meal, or just looking out for me whenever times get tough. He is nurturing: Trevor single-handly saved our dying lemon tree that was out on the balcony. It may seem like a small thing but every time I look at it I am reminded of how much care Trevor shows for his family, our pets, and our marriage.

Trevor about Ben

Ben has made me more adventurous. Because of him I have gone skydiving, bungee jumping, backpacking in the wilderness, visited foreign countries, and eaten sea urchin! These are all things I never would have seen myself doing, but Ben's sense of adventure is catching... and fun! Ben is also extremely empathetic. He is always thinking about situations from the perspectives of others, and never has trouble putting himself in other's shoes. This empathy and compassion continues to impress me almost daily.

One of our favorite family traditions is our "memory jar." Every year we buy and decorate a large glass jar. Then, as the year goes on we write down memories on small pieces of paper and put them in the jar along with plane tickets, mini golf score cards, wedding invitations, and any other little sentimental items. Then on New Year's Eve we sit down and go through the memories from that past year together as a family. This is such a special time for us as we remember all the amazing things we got to experience that year. Then we put the jar away in storage and start on next year's jar!

Another similar tradition is our habit of buying Christmas ornaments whenever we go on vacation or visit another city. This means that every year at Christmas we are reminded of all the adventures we had together! Trevor and I both come from families with a rich history of traditions (family weekend in the fall, grandchild cookie favorites, Thanksgiving "Chopped" competitions etc) that we are excited to carry forward in our family.

We wouldn't be where we are today without the love, support, and care of our families. We both feel so lucky to not only have loving and joyful immediate families, but also amazing extended families.

We live 15 minutes away from Ben’s family and visit them often. We usually see each other multiple times a week at someone’s house, a park, a restaurant, etc. Ben’s parents regularly baby-sit Kari and Brooklyn so we can go out for a date night, and Ben’s 3 brothers compete to become the favorite uncle. Ben has a HUGE extended family (over 30 cousins-- 3 of whom are adopted). Some of our favorite vacations have been at Ben's family reunions. At one recent family re-union in Florida, we went skydiving!

Trevor video calls his family every day. He talks to his mom, dad and sister, but he especially enjoys any time he can see his 5-year-old niece– he loves to video call as she is waking up from a nap. Trevor’s sister and niece live 2 hours away from us, so we frequently visit each other and occasionally spend a couple of weeks together. Trevor's sister, mother, and grandmother all had roles in our wedding ceremony (along with matching members of Ben's family). We are so thankful that our family has provided full support of our marriage and adoption process… we don't take that for granted in today's society.

We live in a 4 bedroom house just outside of Raleigh, North Carolina. We are only 2 hours from the beach and 2 hours from the mountains. We are close enough to the city that there is always something to do but far enough away that we have a peaceful neighborhood with lots of parks, families, and nature. Our house is 2 blocks away from a community pool and 1 block away from a greenway that connects 3 playgrounds. It also has one of the best school districts in the state. We are friends with our neighbors and their kids who often come over to play with our girls.

Trevor, Ben and their daughters Kari and Brooklyn share this home with 2 cats and a dog... the pets all have unique personalities but get along well and love other people! Our neighborhood has lots of families and regular outdoors events where kids can play together. We frequently exchange meals and gardening advice with our neighbors and our daughter has play dates with some of the other kids in the neighborhood.

One thing we are excited about is gardening! We have herbs, blueberry bushes, and pawpaw trees in our yard along with a lot of other flowers. We take extra care with our rose bushes, which each meaningful symbolize some of our extended family members.

We are so excited to take the chance to introduce ourselves to you a bit more directly. To be honest, we are a bit nervous writing this letter since we know that you are trying to decide whether we should be an important part of you and your child's life. We know that we won't be able to describe ourselves perfectly, but we hope that after reading this letter you will at least have an understanding of how important family is to us and how committed we are to making sure this adoption turns out in the best possible way for everyone: for us, for the child, and for you.

We have been married for over 9 years and have been talking about building our family from the start. As a gay couple we have had times during our lives where we felt like our version of family didn't always match with what society thought it should be. However, we feel incredibly blessed to have ended up together and we wouldn't have it any other way! Being gay has allowed us to have open and honest conversations about household roles, parenting styles, facing adversity, and the joy that comes from a love that is too strong to ignore.

When we grew from a couple into a family after our first adoption (and then later grew again through our second adoption) we got to embark on a new chapter of life. We find so much joy in bedtime stories, picking out new clothes for each season, big hugs at the front door, large family sleepovers at the grandparents’ houses, decorating Christmas cookies together, and laughing at funny moments. Of course, there are tough moments as well: anxiety from when one of our daughters has a high fever, navigating new tantrums as they explore boundaries, and heavy hearts when our daughters feel sad. Fortunately, we are thankful to have support from our own families as well as an amazing community here in Raleigh.

Even though we have gone through the adoption process twice, we know that we have no idea what it truly feels like to go through the adoption process as a birth mother. From talking with some birth mothers we know that while everyone's journey can be different they often involve complicated emotions, relationships, conversations and decisions. While we will never know exactly what you are feeling right now, we are willing to listen and learn from as much as you are willing to share. Regardless of whatever happens in the future you will always be an important part of this child's story and of our story. We are committed to making sure that this process is as healthy and smooth as possible for everyone, including you.

The good news is that we are optimists! We are hopeful that you feel comfortable enough with us to be a part of an open adoption. We know that every birth mother views open adoption differently and we want to respect your boundaries. But we are also willing work with you to make this an open adoption in the strongest sense of the word. We hope that our child grows up feeling confident that there are so many people out there that love him/her, not only his/her parents but also his/her birth mother.

We don't take adoption lightly. We know that adoption is a promise: a promise to the child, a promise to God, and a promise to you. We promise that we will make family our first priority in life. We promise that we will make sure this child feels loved and supported. We promise to keep you as involved as you feel comfortable... whether that is simply sending occasional letters/pictures or whether that is working with you to schedule phone calls and visits. We know that we can't promise to be perfect parents, but we promise to try our hardest and to seek out help and advice when we need it.

We promise that your child will grow up in a household where they will be safe and cared for. We would be honored to be the family that you choose to parent your child and look forward to building as close a relationship to you as you feel comfortable with.

Sincerely,

Benjamin & Trevor